Confession time.
I like to fill out social networking surveys. Lame, I know. Stop judging me! This probably stems from an undiagnosed/untreated condition of A.D.D. and my ever-rising boredometer needle. I like to be entertained; there’s no shame in that! Anyhoo, I have noticed that a popular question is “Do you still talk to your ex?” Granted, these questions are probably meant to be answered by 13 year old girls who can still use the term “ex” in the singular sense and have no major responsibilities outside of managing their ever-changing top 10 friends, but my question is “Do most people not talk to their exes?”
I’m learning that the answer to that is “Correct! Most people do not talk to their exes, and eL., you are just plain weird.”
I think it’s pretty safe to say that I am not the norm when it comes to maintaining relationships, so should anyone be surprised that I follow suit after the breakup? I probably still, at least, TALK to more of the guys I’ve dated than not. I never thought that was strange until recently. One of my guy friends said he would have a problem dating me because I’m still in contact with so many ex-love interests. Wow. Really? Granted, this guy has never seen me do the “committed” thing and there is most definitely a difference between “in a relationship eL” and “free as a bird eL”. I believe that if you choose to attach yourself to another person you should refrain from doing things that make them uncomfortable, even if that means saying goodbye to those you care for.
This blog does come with a disclaimer. I believe that “just friends” between any male and female always has the potential to be complicated. I’ve done it for years and I know for a fact, that if you don’t take this into consideration, you or someone else is in danger of getting hurt. So, for all of you buggers out there claiming, “we’re just friends!”… you’d better watch out. That’s all I’m saying.
Back to the subject at hand. When I go into a relationship it’s because at some level I’ve seriously connected with another person and for whatever reason that it ends, I’m still going to care about them regardless… except maybe that ONE GUY… sheesh. In all fairness, I’m not the kind of girl that waits till the ugly-unbearable ending has commenced before I call it off. I have a pretty keen sense of “it just isn’t going to work out”, so that probably has a lot to do with the fact that I can usually see the best in these men that I have once considered potential partners.
I’m sure one of you will rip me a new one with this entry and that is fair. I accept your scrutiny and will consider it honestly. Keep in mind 3 things; I am not stupid enough think that this applies to all relationships. Like I said, I do have “that one guy”. Second, I don’t by ANY MEANS want to imply that anyone can be friends again overnight. It just doesn’t happen like that. And finally, remember that this is “free as a bird eL” writing tonight… this blog may be deleted after my relationship status changes. J
Maybe I’m wrong about my ability to be in love. (Read Love, I Suck at It). Maybe being in love can only best be realized when looking back on it. Maybe it’s not about the ability to make it last but more so about just doing it well regardless of the outcome. A wise man recently said to me, “End it well, so that each of you can walk away better than you were before.”
Fire away friends. Fire away.
3 Responses to “Can We Just Be Friends?”
im not great friends with any of my exes …. not for any real reason other than maybe its just a little odd.
the dynamic between 2 people who were so close but now arent has a tendency to be imbalanced and strained so i dont force it.
i believe guys and girls can be just friends but there is always potential for things to get heated and the ppl who dont wanna admit that are lying to themselves!!!
Ok, since you went out on a limb, I’ll stick my neck out and say my part too… Men and women can be friends, but whether or not things remain friendly is *mostly* on the woman. If she establishes clear boundaries and never shows any inconsistencies, things can stay there. If she wavers, then it’s all over. It’s not on the guy, it’s on the girl, totally and completely. I’ve heard it a million times, and I’m inclined to believe it in my mature days: women know within 60 seconds of meeting a guy if she intends to f*ck him. Right off the bat. Guys don’t have that luxury. It’s the Vagina Privilege. Guys only have the Penis Option. No girl feels grateful for a penis. No girl is ever going to get turned down indefinitely if she has a working vagina. Where was I? Anyway… I might have to come back to this, it’s raining cats and dogs and I want to post this before my lights go out. Just letting you know that I”m still out here reading.
Haha… you make me laugh. I’m going to now have to write a blog entitled “The Vagina Privilege.”
And I agree with you 99.9%. There are men that are the exception to the rule. Some guys just can’t handle being friends and watching the girl they used to be with, move on to someone else. Just sayin’.
I actually had to go back and reread this blog because I posted it a YEAR AND A HALF AGO TANGO!!! Geez… you’re behind. JK.
And ironically, I posted this blog after I met America’s Number ONE Douchebag and gave up talking to all of my exes, guy friends, the mailman, etc. because HE couldn’t handle it. Let’s just say, I’ve learned my lesson. If I feel the need to change myself for another man, then I need to RUN RUN RUN.