Category archives: Vacations Delux

I Declare THIS The Summer of eL!

My life has been full. At only 28, I’ve been fortunate to have enough good memories to be twice my age. Trying to narrow down all of my adventures to my favorite summer is nearly impossible. There are so many great ones to choose from!

Every summer when I was a kid, my parents would load up the family and head to the beach with our fifth wheel RV. I am convinced that the world would be a better place if everyone had childhood memories at a family campground. A five-star, all inclusive resort could not contend with the KOA experience as a nine year old. The days were filled with new best friends, biking adventures, hours floating on the waves with my red and blue raft, hotdogs and s’mores over a campfire, and miles beachcombing for seashells with my mother. When storms came we would play endless games of Chinese Checkers and count water tornados that formed out at sea. Twenty years later, I can still smell the sea and hear the waves crashing against the shore.

When I was older and had abandoned summers spent under parental guidance, my friends and I would pile into the old faithful VW bus and head to New Orleans. Jazz Fest was everyone’s favorite. While many of our activities in The Big Easy are not appropriate for this blog, those trips were (mostly) unforgettable. Thoughts of climbing trees in City Park, the Steve Miller Band and Widespread Panic, sleepless nights on Bourbon Street, and bars at seven AM still make me smile. (And cringe just a little bit.)

…yep, that’s me.

When I grew up and moved to Tennessee, I was a wife and mother before anyone introduced me to the joys of the lake. I’d never been on a boat, other than a canoe on a glorified pond, in my life. My in-laws gave me my first boating experience at Center Hill Lake. All day, every day, was spent on the water drinking beer, riding at high speeds on inner tubes, and “jug fishing”. We slept under the stars and woke up damp with dew to Bloody Marys and smoked sausages. While during that summer I did make at least one trip to the hospital and received enough sun damage to ensure skin cancer in my future, I can’t help but think of the lake whenever I contemplate my “best of summer” experiences.


Still none of these can be titled “My Favorite Summer”.

While it’s fun to glance in the rear view mirror from time to time, I’m focused on keeping my eyes on the road ahead. Maybe this year will be my favorite summer. Maybe I’ll steal an RV and head to the beach with my kids. Maybe we’ll bake in the sun on a pontoon with the Redneck Yacht Club. Maybe I’ll introduce them to Bourbon Street…

Urrmmm…
Maybe not.

What is your favorite summer memory????

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Drinking in Vegas with a Leprechaun :: Vegas Part 3

What is the difference between these two chairs? Can you tell me?

If you are sitting in chair number one, you will pay $9 at the Venetian for a beer. If you are sitting in chair number two, your drink will be free. The chairs might even be positioned side by side and the difference in your bar tab will be the same. Why? If you’ve ever been to a casino you know the answer already and I apologize for the “duh” factor in this blog. Chair number two is a slot machine chair.

I learned this very important lesson within fifteen minutes of being in Vegas. I was exhausted from traveling all day by the time we checked in at the Excalibur. I plopped down at the bar and ordered a Diet Coke. Note to Diet Coke lovers, don’t stay at the Excalibur; they only have Pepsi products. Normally, I will forgo a diet Pepsi, but being that we were in Vegas I needed caffeine so I settled. The 6oz Pepsi cost me $4.

During our first hand of blackjack, this lady paid us a visit:

She brought me all the diet Pepsi I wanted FOR FREE. I was spitting distance away from my chair earlier at the bar.

Vegas is all about odds: the casino’s odds. You are there to lose BIG TIME. I have to admire the way they play the odds in their favor. If I’m at the bar NOT losing my money, they bend me over and spank me for diet Pepsi. If I’m at a slot machine, they pump me full of booze so I keep pumping the machine with money. There are no chairs on the casino floor to relax in without a slot machine or Keno game in your face. There is no internet connection in the room – only on the casino floor (where you pay $13.99 a visit.)

*SPANKED*

But to all future Vegas friends… You CAN beat the system.

Where did I sit and sip all the diet Pepsi I wanted for FREE? Right here…

If you just feel the need to sit at a BAR and drink then go find O’Shaes on the corner of LVBLVD and Flamingo. After spending the day wandering from casino to casino we needed to chill out and relax. As previously stated, there is no place to just relax in Sin City but we saw a sign that said “$2 Miller Lite on Draft” and decided to give it the benefit of the doubt. The best description I can give O’Shaes would be an Irish frat house casino complete with greasy food and beer pong. Maybe relaxation wasn’t accomplished but we were certainly entertained.

After draining a couple of beers and winning five bucks on video poker the door behind the bar opened and closed as if a ghost had entered the bar. The BF was telling me a story (I don’t even remember what it was) when this guy climbed a ladder and was on top of the bar:

Only in Vegas can you get a shot poured down your throat by a Leprechaun. If anyone knows where I can hire a little person for a while, please let me know. My man wants to hang out with one on St. Patty’s Day!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku0pPBkK5as&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1]

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Card Flipping Prostitutes::Vegas Part 2

We ventured out of our hotel around nine am on the first morning of our Vegas trip. Morning Vegas is notably different than Afternoon Vegas. As for Nighttime Vegas… well, you might as well be on a different planet altogether. Our first stop was a breakfast buffet at the New York New York. I was fascinated by the rollercoaster running through the hotel, circling behind the Statue of Liberty and doing a loopty-loop beside of the Empire State Building. After breakfast we ventured down Las Vegas Blvd, more commonly known as “The Strip”.

The wonderful man that made this adventure possible was giving me Vegas 101 along our journey. As he began his many tales a large “Hot Babes” truck rolled past us. Prostitution in Vegas is just as common as poker tables and slot machines. He began to tell me of the card flippers on the street: men and women who dress in bright red, yellow and orange shirts and flip hooker cards at you. None were present in Morning Vegas but business cards with boobs and thongs were scattered along the street. I didn’t examine any too closely but each contained a phone number and a generic message like “For a good time call Candy.” He said that when he’s with his buddies, they collect the cards and then play them like “Go Fish” with the advertisers, harassing them with statements like “I’ll trade two Candys for one Jennifer.” Men. (eyeroll) J

After enjoying lunch at Margaritaville we continued on our exploration of The Strip. The Card Flippers were out in full force. It was grotesquely amazing. They lined the strip, almost every inch of it, thrusting these “business” cards at us. Being the great man that he is, the BF tucked me safely on the inside of the sidewalk so that they didn’t proposition me. If you’ve never seen the phenomenon for yourself, here’s a clip I found on YouTube:

 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTClT1n-CHw&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1]

 

Most of the flippers were men and most of them (I would assume) were illegal aliens. Call me stereotypical, but if the shoe fits…. A few of them were women and one woman in particular is branded into my memory. She was young and beautiful. Her hair was cropped ridiculously short and there was a deep sadness in her eyes. It was haunting. Nothing about her attire distinguished this girl from any of her fellow promoters except a simple pair of blue crystal earrings that sparkled against the Vegas lights. About three seconds prior my BF had asked of me, “Do you ever wonder what some of these people’s stories are?”

I wondered immediately what this girl’s story was.

Anarosa was only seventeen when she met Maria. Anarosa’s mother was bedridden with tuberculosis leaving her eldest daughter responsible for taking care of her four younger siblings. Maria’s family owned a promising factory in Escondido, California. With glowing tales of life in the US, Maria convinced Anarosa and her younger sister Lea to journey to the States where they would be able to start a new life far away from the hardships of Guatemala and be able to send money home to their struggling family. What awaited them inside the border of the country Anarosa had dreamt of as a little girl was hunger, violence and an endless string of men to her makeshift bed every day. When the opportunity for escape presented itself, Anarosa fled to Las Vegas, only taking with her the blue crystal earrings her mother had given her and the faint memory of Lea’s screams as she was raped and beaten to her death. Las Vegas had promise. Las Vegas would set her free. Las Vegas would open the door again to her future…

Maybe that wasn’t the actual story of the girl with the blue earrings, but it could’ve been. Sadly, human trafficking is a real thing. There are plenty of resources out there about this issue; here’s one that I have personal connections to. http://www.freeforlifeministries.com/

I promise I will write no more depressing blogs about my trip to Vegas. Stay tuned for the story of the Irish Leprechaun… J

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A Buffet of Blisters :: Vegas Part 1

I don’t write about dieting. So this blog isn’t about dieting. Nothing grates on my nerves worse than listening to size six women complain about being fat. I am a happy size six and I’m far from complaining. Now that we’ve cleared that up… I gained four pounds in three days of being in Vegas. LOL

The food in Vegas is great and it is in abundance.

On Friday we planned our day around dinner. We started the day walking the four-mile Las Vegas Strip. I am lying to myself that the four pounds is accredited to the muscle mass gained in my calves from all the walking. I wore boots, jeans and a tank top. My boots are comfy, but maybe not meant for walking such a distance. After a few medicinal cocktails, I cared less about the tenderness that was growing in my feet and we practically danced back to our hotel to change for dinner.

I don’t do heels by nature, but being that we were in Vegas, I stepped into a pair of four inchers and we headed for the cab. The Rio has a buffet that spans around 20,000 yummy square feet and it was our dining destination for the evening. By the time we were dropped at the door and crossing through the big golden doors of the casino, the medicinal therapy was officially worn off and my feet were burning. It felt like my heels were lined with battery acid.

We crossed the huge hotel twice before deciding on the first buffet that we’d originally stumbled upon back near the entrance we came in. I was leaning heavily on my man’s arm by the time we got back to the line. The host showed us to our table at the furthest end of the room possible. I seriously considered toting my cute black heels in hand and crossing the room barefoot. When we reached our table, the buffet section meant for kids was closest to our table. My first thought was, “Pizza is fine by me!”

After sucking up the pain, I did choose the hibachi grill over chicken nuggets and cheese pizza. My jeans are suffering for it back in Nashville. Maybe it was the hibachi chicken… or the free scoops of ice cream… or the chocolate éclairs… or all the medicinal drinks, I don’t really know. I’m still telling myself that it’s all muscle mass simply displaced to my midsection.

Either way, four pounds or not, I’d gain ten to be back in Sin City. Now only if dieting would work the way it really should. For instance, I should be rewarded with a lost pound for passing up the chocolate ganache cake that I decided not to eat for breakfast this morning. We’ll see how that works out…

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The Mouse and His Giant People Trap

A coworker once told me when I was pregnant with my daughter, “Enjoy it while you can. She’ll be grown before you know it.” I must have heard this cliché a hundred times in my short while as a young mother but during two a.m. feedings and diaper changes it felt like I was going to have an infant for all of eternity. Canaan just turned five. I’m still in denial over it because there is no way that I am mother to a kindergartener. It seems like just days ago I was cleaning up poop finger paintings in her nursery. Yeah, gross I know. She’s turned into this small person with thoughts and feelings and (freak out) opinions. I’m waiting for her any day to give me insight in who to vote for this election.

In her five years on the planet Earth Canaan has lived a lot of life. Much like her mother, she’s already experienced joys and losses of people eight times her age. This year has been a confusing nightmare for both of my kids and for Canaan especially. I remember, with painful clarity, the morning I went into her bedroom, scooped her up in my arms and told her that Daddy wasn’t going to be able to take her swimming after lunch. It was the worst day of all of our lives.

So about six weeks ago I decided to plan Canaan’s birthday party. I looked at all of the possibilities: the bouncy place, the park, the tiny piece of hell-on-earth Chuck E Cheese. None of the options in Nashville seemed suitable for such a big event in her life during such a hard year, so I knew I had to dream a little bigger.

A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you’re fast asleep. In dreams you lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.

We packed our bags and headed to Disney World.

The trip was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It was a COMPLETE surprise to the kids. I literally told them just hours before putting them on the plane. This year has just been so terrible that I decided it was worth giving my kids the surprise of a lifetime. Sure, it’s not my paradise, but Disney is like the Bora Bora for kids. My friend Brenda, knowing me ever so well, said of our trip, “Normally I think being in the “Happiest Place on Earth” would get on your very last nerve, however right now it may be just what you need to level yourself out.” She was right.

Our first day there we went to SeaWorld and got to listen to Will sing his own theme song all day, “Who we gonna see? Shampu! Shampu!” And we did! I seriously considered quitting my job and learning to train killer whales for a living. It was amazing.

 

Day two was at the Magic Kingdom. When Canaan’s eyes landed on Cinderella’s castle for the first time the look on her face was priceless. I thought she was going to cry she was so excited. We went off on a trek across the park for a prearranged meeting with Peter Pan. Peter presented her with a very special “Happy Birthday” button and autographs from Tinkerbelle, Wendy and all the Lost Boys. Then I made the mistake of taking her on the Pirates of Caribbean and scaring the bejezus out of her. Good one Mom. Apparently Canaan doesn’t share my same enthusiasm for a hot, robotic, Cap’n Jack singing “Yo ho, yo ho a Pirate’s life for me!” Thankfully, soon after, all was put right with the world when she got to meet all of her favorite princess and Mommy got to shoot a lot of video of Prince Charming. J

Day three we were at Epcot and we stood in line for about twenty minutes to meet Mickey Mouse and all of his friends. My son was so excited when he saw Mickey that he took off in a dead run and nearly fell on his face trying to stop when we called him back. He got to dance with Donald Duck and show off his acrobatic moves, got a kiss that turned him red from Alice in Wonderland and huge hug from Dopey the Dwarf. At that moment, my sister and I both almost quit our jobs and signed up to play characters at Disney. I mean, what better job could there be than this:

 Canaan’s birthday lasted for seven days. All seven days she proudly wore her Happy Birthday button and was sung to and presented with cake for dinner every night. It was a week of memories that will last for eternity. And guess what folks? When October 2nd rolls around next year…. I’m screwed.

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Don't Let the Boat Pull You Over

boatIf you’ve been reading my blogs for any amount of time you’re probably ready for yet another meaningless life event blown up into some grand over thought analogy right? Well, you are in luck! This one begins with a tale from The Adventures of Dale Hollow Lake, a book that I will someday win the Pulitzer for… or maybe not.I love being on the lake, but I’m not an avid water sports woman by any stretch of the imagination. My adventures usually involve a chick-lit novel, a floatation device (worn like a diaper) and a cold Corona with lime. I might get a little crazy from time to time depending upon the heat of the sun and wind up mildly tipsy and radically sunburned, but that’s usually where the excitement ends.

This past weekend I was invited on a houseboat trip with some friends. In typical Elicia style, I stretched out on the top deck to get my tan (burn) on with a good book and good tunes. Unlike my usual accomplices on such trips the friends that were with me were much more into activity than relaxation and someone threw out the idea of wakeboarding. After some friendly persuasion, I put down the book and decided to give it a try.

My mind normally convinces my body that it is better, stronger, faster and more agile than it really is. Wakeboarding was no different. I looked easy enough. Relax in the water and wait for the boat to help you to a standing position and then glide across the water. I strapped on my board and floated out into the water waiting for the ski rope to be tossed to me. As I tried to get the board to cooperate with the direction of my feet while I merely floated, I realized quickly that I was sorely mistaken in my perception of the ease of the sport.

As much as I would love to say that I got up on my first attempt, the boat actually ripped the rope from my hands before I even realized we were moving.

The second attempt was strangely similar.

On the third attempt I did actually hang on but as soon I was partially up out of the water I was pulled over and landed flat on my face.

The boat circled around and the captain shouted over at me, “Girl, don’t let this boat pull you over! You’ve almost got it!”

Five blisters, a pulled muscle and twelve attempts later I decided that I wasn’t cut out for the world of wakeboarding. My friends pulled my exhausted body back to the boat and I barely made it out of the water before collapsing on the swim deck. I could have easily felt defeated, especially when everyone that followed me was not only able to stand up but could glide, spin around and even jump. However as I recovered and examined my bruised and blistered hands I couldn’t help but feel a little proud. I had given those waves everything I had.

Every day for the past few months has had the boat-like potential to pull me over onto my face and leave me wallowing in the wake of my old life. A life that sometimes feels almost like it never even existed. I’m moving on through the sadness and tears, confusion and grief and I refuse to let the boat pull me over.

Sure, I might fail. I might fall flat on my face a few times, but I won’t go down without a fight, a few blisters and humming the Rocky theme song.

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.” – August Wilson

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