Tag archives: collections

This Blog Is Better Than Yours

After months of making fun of my sister and other relatives for playing Farm Town on Facebook, I signed up and started farming.  Not only did this cost me the exclusive rights to my Badass Card, it gained me a place at the head of a shameful dining table.  “CROW: It’s what’s for dinner.” 

Farm Town has taught me something surprising about myself.  Which brings me to the point of this blog… 

I think I might be a little too competitive.

Wholeheartedly I believe that a (somewhat) competitive spirit is a healthy thing.  However, I have decided that you cross the line from “healthy” into “whack-job” when you find yourself losing sleep and neglecting your children over harvesting, plowing and planting virtual crops.  Tonight, I realize that I am most certainly in the realm of “whack-job.”  I am fiercely competing in a race that has no finish line as there is no end of Farm Town.  There are no prizes, blue ribbons or “Green Wizard” crowns to be gained to show off my gardening glory.  The only satisfaction I’ve gained is the knowledge that I surpassed my sister in experience levels in a millifraction of the time that she’s been playing the game.  This only goes to prove what a LOSER I really am.  Do you see the irony? It’s really too bad that I can’t feed my kids with all these crops… they’re starting to look a little thin. 

farm

eL. The Deranged Competitor does exist outside of Farm Town. Four days a week I swim a mile and a half at the YMCA pool.  Not only do I have to beat my own time from the day before, God forbid there be anyone else in the water.  On Friday I caught myself racing a 73 year old hip replacement patient who was WATER WALKING in the shallow end.  I stopped mid-stroke and nearly drowned laughing at myself when I realized I was checking his position in my peripheral vision.  You just never he know, he might take off and sprint to the wall!

My children are starting to figure out something is wrong with their mom.  My daughter made the mistake of telling me that a few of the kids in her class play a game to see who’s mom will show up in the car rider line first.  Guess who’s won every day since?  This week, my son groaned from his car seat.  “Mom, when is Canaan coming out?  We’ve been here forever.”  We were 45 minutes early.

Like I said, I do believe that competition is healthy.  It gives us drive and ambition to be better than ourselves… as well as all the losers around us.  (See, I told you I have a problem.)  It could be that the lack of competition is the cause of our society’s sick sense of entitlement.  I’ve done a lot of ranting and raving about that lately.  There are too many people in this country that don’t have a drive to do anything except to collect a welfare check and hide from collection agencies. 

Now… if I can only find a way to make real money harvesting in Farm Town.  Maybe I should give farming a chance in the real world?  Wonder what kind of price I can get at the market for dandelions and thistles.

“I don’t know anything that builds the will to win better than competitive sports.” – Richard Nixon
… and Richard Nixon knows about competition, right?

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Liar Liar! Panties on Fire!

Over the past few months I’ve been getting a life lesson in the world of bank repossessions and collections. My best friend is a collections officer at our small hometown bank. With the decline of the economy her job has exploded nearly overnight. A normal trend for her used to consist of doing around fifteen vehicle repossessions in a year, she’s now doing around fifteen a month. It’s a sad fact. People are losing their paychecks and not being able to keep food on the table, much less make their car payments. With a lot of these people, the economy truly has been their demise and the situation is totally out of their control. For them, my heart breaks.

And then there are the ones that I don’t feel a bit sorry for.

I don’t know the real name of the girl in this story so we’re going to call her Lisa. Lisa, as in Angelina Jolie’s character in Girl Interrupted. The real-life Lisa in this story should be committed and subjected to electroshock therapy. Or at least be put in jail for a very long time on a charge of Stupid in the First Degree.

Lisa’s parents financed a brand-spanking-new SUV for her. Lisa is 26. See, the story is already starting off bad. Does Lisa not have a job? Can she not, as an adult, finance her own car? Maybe Lisa’s parents should be in jail as well. I don’t know much about Lisa’s story other than she is a party girl that makes Tara Reid look like Laura Ingles. I imagine it’s hard to keep up with her bar tab and all the crystal meth AND be able to make the payments on the SUV. So, this is how her file wound up on my friend’s desk in the collections office.

In true Girls Gone Wild style, Lisa planned a drunken road trip with a half a dozen friends. They headed down the mountain and out of state to Nowhereville, SC. The least drunk of the bunch was selected to drive (because that’s the responsible thing to do) and the guy took out a row of mailboxes going about 90 mph. This however would not deter the party, so they drove on. After many more gallons of alcohol, Lisa lost a belligerent game of “Paper, Rock, Scissors” and was chosen to drive back home… in the rain. The SUV hydroplaned and wound up DOA on the side of the interstate. All of the passengers, who were too intoxicated to suffer in the crash climbed out of the vehicle.

Lisa has a light bulb moment. “Let’s set the car on fire, hitchhike home and claim it was stolen!”

So here’s what they do:

All of the girls strip off their panties and Lisa’s boyfriend shoves them down the gas tank. They light them on fire but nothing happens. So the gasoline-infused, Victoria’s Secret spring line is tossed on the driver’s seat and ignited. The SUV goes up in flames. The group makes it home and in the morning Lisa reports the car stolen.

Oddly enough, the police found this fishy. Hmm… wonder why? Finally, Lisa wrote all this out in a full-fledged confession at the police department.

Wouldn’t you love to be the judge at that hearing???

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