Tag archives: dating

Dating “Third Grade” Style

15Jan09

This one is by personal request from a new friend.

She stares at her phone for the second day of his silence and checks for the hundredth time to see if, by some chance, she has missed his call. Surely enough, the last call from his cell was received thirty minutes prior to what she considered a great first date. He promised to call and even expressed interest in seeing her again. Still, he hasn’t called. She texted him the night before to thank him again for dinner and got nothing in response. She knew there was chemistry; it was as thick as the cheese fondue they shared.

“Why hasn’t he called?!”

And then… ring, ring.

It’s him. The second date is on the books.

Maybe she should ask him if she should bring along Candyland or Monopoly for date number two. Heck, I could send my two kids along with her so they can challenge him to a death match of Hungry Hungry Hippos. Such childishness…

Did you know that there are some guys that have dating and calling rules? They have rules like waiting for two days to call a girl post-first date or not texting back to keep her in suspense. Granted, we can all appreciate a man that has a life, but for the love of God, we all know you got the message and it’s just rude to not answer. I for one, refuse to date rude men. Trust me, you are not THAT special.

They say it’s all about balancing the bad boy/nice guy image to keep a girl interested. Ladies, I don’t know about you, but I happen to like it when I think a guy is interested in me and that alone is enough to keep me interested in him. Call me crazy, but I like to be flattered by attention and it annoys the piss out of me to feel blown off. Maybe I’m the exception to the rule (once again), but I don’t think so. I don’t have time to give myself a mental pep-talk every time I start to date someone new. Either it clicks or it doesn’t. If it does, then great! I’ll give it my full attention. If it doesn’t, then I’ll move on and maybe walk away with a new friend.

Dating should be fun and exhilarating and if it’s not, then DATE SOMEONE ELSE! Life is way too short for such nonsense. Isn’t it better to have a relationship that is based on honesty and sincerity from the very beginning? I mean, if you’ve just met someone and they feel the need to screw around with your emotions before you even REALLY get to know them, are they really someone you want to trust with your heart?

Red Flag. ‘Nuff said.

Being that I am a card-carrying member of the VaJayJay club, I can only give a very opinionated female perspective on this subject. Any guys wanna take a stab at it? And yes… I know we (women) are all crazy. LOL

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Dating Double-Dippers

09Jan09

You might think I wrote this one about you. I did not. Just off the top of my head 6 different friends come to mind that I’ve seen habitually go through this and I am not going to single anyone out here. This is just something that has come up in my conversations a LOT recently.

Today’s topic is the on-again-off-again-on-again-off-again couple. We’ve all seen it and most of us have experienced it to some degree, including myself. I will not be the pot calling the kettle black here. Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend that I must’ve broken up with ten times in our two-year relationship. We were HORRIBLE for each other and were stupid enough to keep coming back for more. It was the same story each time we would reunite. For the first few weeks or months it was all pure bliss. We were in “love” and crazy about each other, nearly inseparable. Then the same old differences that split us up the first time would come right back to light and one of us would be ready to drive an ice pick through the other’s eye. Ten years later, guess what? He’s the same immature, lazy, selfish, probably unemployed or incarcerated dope that he was back then. Thank God I eventually wised up and said goodbye for good!

A couple of timeless quotes come to my mind. Have you ever heard this saying? “People change… but not that much.” And a much more common one is, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” – thank you, Ben Franklin.

This doesn’t apply to married couples. I think that once you say “I do”, you “Should Do” for the rest of your lives and if it takes you umpteen times to get it right, more power to you. I know of a few couples that I have GREAT admiration for. They’ve actually been married and divorced and have remarried. Anyone that has gone through a divorce can only imagine what kind of love and commitment this must take. I take my Ed Hardy hat off to you.

Back to the dating world… If it doesn’t work out the first, second or third time, why keep trying it over and over and over again? Obviously on one side or the other there are issues or at the very least some serious compatibility quirks. There are 6.7 billion people on the planet Earth and it’s pretty close to 50/50 on male/female ratio. What makes us believe in the weeks after a painful breakup that we’ll never find someone else?

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Don't Date The Mommy!!!

01Dec08

Not too long ago I almost spat in the face of an anorexic, blonde wench that lived next door to me. I don’t remember what exactly she said that nearly sent my hand flying at her face, but it was something to the effect of, “I hope you find someone that will marry you, since you have kids and all.”

Excuse me?

Granted, just by the sight of this poor girl, it is OBVIOUS that she has severe self-worth problems and for that reason alone did I shove my devil horns back down and tuck in my tail. Not surprisingly, her mouth isn’t the only one that has spouted off similar statements to me in the past couple of months. Even Messaging-Turrets guy told me I’d be better off to go find some divorcee who already has a couple of kids!

Let’s be clear about one thing before I go any further. I believe in the institution of the family, that husbands should love their wives, wives should love their husbands and together they should love and raise their children. By God’s great design this is the way it should be in a perfect world. However, if you think we are living in a perfect world I need to get on whatever meds you are taking. The fact is that bad things happen. Divorce happens. Death happens. Innocent children are often left with only one parent holding the responsibility for their upbringing and while it’s not FAIR, it’s reality. Since when has reality ever been fair?


Mom & Dad have been married for nearly 44 years!

Now that you understand how I feel about how life SHOULD be, I want it to be known that I refuse to “daddy shop” for my children. My husband was simply an irreplaceable father. He loved our children more than his career, more than his hobbies and much more than he loved himself. He left incredibly big shoes to fill. I believe that God saw it long before we all did that his time on earth with us would be cut short. I also believe that God prepared us accordingly. Both of my children have wonderful grandfathers and several very close male father-type figures in their lives and for that I am truly grateful.

I want to tread lightly on this subject because I do not want to come off as sounding judgmental. I know firsthand how difficult it is to be a single mom and how there are just days where you feel absolutely cheated because you don’t have their father to share the load with. If you don’t think I have those days, go read Free To A Good Home and get back to me. I often wonder what’s worse though: A kid with one fully devoted and loving parent or a kid with two parents that are too distracted by working on staying together to be able to give the child the attention it needs and deserves. Kinda sounds retarded when you put it like that, doesn’t it?

And what REALLY infuriates me is the mindset that some people have that single mothers are just going to have to settle for what they can get. BS

It will be a long time before I find myself committed again. I know how hard marriage is even when it’s good and I have no rush to go back to that anytime soon. I do know this; if I ever choose to be married again it will not be because I need a savior, a “baby daddy” or someone to take pity on this poor single mom. It will be because that man simply rocks my face off and I can’t imagine MY life without him. If I ever do find that man, it won’t matter that I have kids. The pieces will fall into place.

On a final note I do have to acknowledge some really admirable people out there. Being a step-parent or an adoptive-parent is an enormous responsibility and I have NOTHING BUT RESPECT for anyone that chooses to love someone else’s child as their own. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that I love my kids and they are my own! LOL. (If you’re judging me right now, you don’t have kids.) If you are a step/adoptive parent reading this, I take my hat off to you. Thank you for being selfless enough to make a difference in a child’s life.

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The Wonders of Online Dating in MySpace

11Nov08

myspacelove**Originally Posted for my MySpace Blog. If you’re not my Myspace friend find me at www.myspace.com/mrshutt**

Well, I’ve promised this blog to a few people so here it is.

Since the day that my MySpace relationship status changed to Single, I’ve gotten some interesting friend requests and it got me wondering, “are there only weirdos on the internet?” Among the most interesting have been the Messaging-Turrets guy, the dude with waaay too many cats and then there was the Sumo wrestler. I’m sure that you want me to elaborate on him, but that’s about all that needs to be said.

During a night of silliness with some friends, I embarked on the journey for normalcy within the realms of the big WWW. That’s right folks, I did my first ever Singles search on MySpace. My girlfriend giggled as I friend requested a half a dozen guys that I happened to find attractive. Chances are a few of you are reading this blog. If so, feel proud because you made the list. No worries… no names will be called in this writing. J

Right away, I made a hard and fast rule. If I don’t request you, then chances are I’m not going to talk to you EVER in the real world, with the possibility of exception IF you’re really impressive. I guess that makes the rule not so hard and fast, but in general I’m being selective about making new friends.

Anyhow, there were a few profiles out there that really jumped out at me and there were others that I passed up completely. I would like to outline MY OPINION of a decent single man’s profile. Take this with a grain of salt however; I do not claim that MY OPINION is always the correct one. Lord knows I’ve made seriously bad judgment calls about men in the real world!

So, if you want to attract a girl like me, here’s some tips:

1. Don’t put pinups and pornstars all over your page. Its tacky guys. If you want to attract a real woman, don’t start by making us compare ourselves to Jenna Jamison and Heidi Klum.

2. Your top friends list is not your “Fantasy Friends List” so, don’t have a bunch of big breasted women as your top friends that you don’t know. I want to see that anyone I might potentially talk to values what true friendship is.

3. Show off your witty and fun side. I think most girls appreciate a guy that can make them laugh. It’s one of the top things I require in whoever I date. The first guy I ever talked to online caught my attention with a cute smile and by literally making me laugh out loud at the computer screen by what he wrote. I could see myself actually having a conversation with him and we converse quite a bit to this day.

4. No one wants to see you in party mode in EVERY photo in your albums. Sure we can all appreciate a guy with a social life, but not all your time involves smashing beer cans on your forehead and shoving a bong pipe down your buddy’s throat. Show off you on a normal day and include your family and friends as they really are, not just as they appear on 2nd Avenue.

5. Be honest and be yourself. If you’re not a six foot body builder, don’t lie and say that you are. We’re gonna eventually find out.

6. Proof read.

7. This one may just be on here because I’m me, but I really appreciate anyone that can write. If you’ve got anything intelligent to say, put it in a blog. I blog surf A LOT.

8. Finally, DON’T BE DESPERATE. Remember that there’s a BIG world out there and if your only chances for love are by the light of an LCD, go outside. Read my “Who I’d Like To Meet” section for further clarification on this.

So, this list concludes the MySpace Boys 101 :: Sheesha Style.

Anyone have anything to add??? Any guys out there want to take a stab at the women online? That’s a whole different blog entirely!!!

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Straight Gangsta

06Nov08

thugSo I was in line at the store the other day to buy my kid some medicine. There was this guy in line with me. 6’5 probably, 110 pounds, red hair, dressed like Lil Wayne. I half expected his 3X t-shirt to have “Straight Gangsta” written on it in rhinestones. He looked down at me and said, “Girl, MMM MMM MMM, you are some kinda fine!”

At this point I’m clutching my purse a little tighter and making myself aware of all the exits. The woman behind the counter is trying not to fall in the floor laughing.

He cocks his head back with a smirk of arrogance. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No.”

“Do you want one?”

“No.”

“Can I take you home with me?”

“No.”

“Damn…” Sigh.

I’m left wondering… do you own a mirror? You are not a gangster. You are from Donelson, not the projects. You can fit a family of six in your pants and you have on ugly boxers that no one should have to look at. Don’t talk to me.

I hope that doesn’t sound too shallow. He might be a wonderful person… on the inside, beneath the Dollar-General-Flavor Flav exterior. Most likely he’s as mentally and emotionally jacked up as he was dressed.

Chances are this guy has no idea who he is. He had clearly adapted his personality from his friends (I know because they were with him). I did however have to admire his confidence. He seemed generally surprised that I did not want to go home with him. (Imagine that!) If I were honest, I’d admit a little jealousy over his ability to say exactly what he wanted to without filters and without fear of rejection or humiliation. He left the store with an ear to ear grin on his face regardless.

I wonder what the world would be like if we all ran around without our filters???

I added this thanks to Rachel! LMAO.


[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DW--7ZmXrXo&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&fs=1]

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