It has been 10 years since I have darkened the door of a classroom so I am required by the great university system of Tennessee to take a placement exam. They gave me a practice test today which I snubbed my nose at. How hard can it be?

School always came easily for me. My last two years of high school are a hazy blur. I dropped out halfway through my senior year and took the SAT’s stoned out of my gourd. Still, I managed to graduate with North Carolina State honors and a 3 point something GPA. I assumed that finally going back to school was going to be as easy as it used to be.

Huh huh huh… I opened the practice test.

Algebra, Geometry, Trig and Calculus… OMG.

Actual problem on this test:

You can’t even Google that. Believe me, I tried.

I spent two hours ATTEMPTING the math portion. Don’t ask how I scored. At least I aced the English part in ten minutes flat.

When I finally gave up for the night, I texted my buddy Chuck. “I need a drink and a Math for Dunbasses book.”

Chuck’s response was, “and a Spelling for Dunbasses book” along with a picture of the beer in his hand. I gave him the “invisi-bird”.

Wish me luck folks! I’m sure I’ll be in college prep math for the next three years, but at least I’m heading in the right direction. I wish someone would explain to me, because apparently I’M STUPID, why on earth do I need trigonometry with an English/Lit degree???